I've got a JOB!

They called me from Cirkör today and they had a job for me!
The perfect job! I'm gonna work with some administration for the pedagodic courses they have and take care of the circus hall! I'm soo happy! I will get more info in the summer when I come home! But I will have so much fun!
and I have a great opertunity to rehab and come back!

JIHU JIHU JIHU!!!

oups..

it is only 26 days left and then I leave..

emotional..

I think I'm having an emotional breakdown.. Without really knowing if it is that or not..
I look at bad tv series and cry.. and laugh.. and I get chicken skin..
I talk to people and it's the same.
I think I'm really lost.
One day really happy..
the other one bad..
Some days hiding others not..
With some people I feel safe and smily with others uncomfortable and insecure.
I have no idea why but it's just like that.
I think (or I know) it's because I'm afraid of the future..
So what can I do if not wait and see!
Think possitive, be possitive...

The sun is shining again!

I feel better!!
I feel good!
I'm motivated again!
I still have some pain but with work and possitive thoughts it's gonna disapear!

My aunt Lisa has been here for four days and she spoild me and Pedro really good!! It was great! We did three party in three days! GREAT!
Lisa I love you soo much! And now I miss you more than ever! COME BACK!

And I just talked with a friend from Sweden, he will move back to Stockholm too and we did some banquine before and he wants to start again!! He already talked with some people! Thats great! Like that I can rehab and come back in the same time and hopefully after christmas I'm back again!! And I can come back to Brussels if I want! I can go where ever I want!
JIHU!
and Pedro is probably coming to Sweden in the autumn holiday!
JIHU!

My happy little life..

Yesterday and today the first and second year of my school had the presentations of their personal projects, wich means that everyone show one act each! It's been great, I'm so happy for everyone because all of them had done a really nice job and had really nice presentations...
But it also make me feel like shit.
It makes me jeallous..
I'm forcing my self to stay possitive and happy everyday, I tell my self to be motivated to do my little project for exit, I tell my self it's gonna be ok to not train for another 4 months.
But I'm not happy.
I feel like shit.
I'm loosing all my muscles, fat is over taking my body, I want to move, I want to train.
I can't.
I have pain.
I still have fucking pain.
It's been two months of doing nothing except easy physical preparation that I don't even call training.. And my back is still painfull. Yes it's better but not good.
Not good enough.
All the time is some one asking my how I am and how's it going and I smile and I give the answer that I and everyone else want's to hear, that everything is fine.
It's not.
I don't want to find a new speciality of my own, I want to catch, I'm a catcher.
I'm to old to restart with a new disciplin. I don't know if I can motivate my self to restart one more time, to rebuild everything that I builded for four, or even more,years.
And I'm scared.
I'm scared to leave Brussels and my life here.
I don't want to leave my friends, I want to stay here and perform and build shows, but I can't.
I'm also scared to come back to Stockholm and my friends there.. I changed, they changed, we've been two years from eachother..
Is it gonna be like before to move back?
I don't want to move back but what else can I do?
I know, I exaggerate and most of the time I feel happy and motivated. But not today and not when I see everyone progress so much when I just go down..

The way to success...

I'm a bit sad..

Yesterday it was 26 years since one of my biggest idols in life, Robert Nesta Marley, died.

And the reason why I'm a bit sad is that in my home village in Sweden, Skärblacka, we have a memorial consert of him every year, and I have been on all of them since I was born... And it is today.. and I'm in Brussels...
Last year was the same, I was in Brussels...
And yes offcourse it is a lot of reggae things here in Brussels also but it's not the same.. (and I don't afford to pay any entré..)

But my heart is there with you.. dancing to Kids of Babylon, Under Våren, Kalle Baah and all the others..

ONE LOVE

A tuch of my life..

Sun became rain..

Hejsan hello again!!

I know I'm bad in writing now a days, but I just have so much fun now a days!

Right now me and Josse and Alexandra are sitting at my place we have been playing dices all night! And off course talking alot!

Anyway just wanted to say that right now life is wonderfull! It is to much happening so I can't write it all! But maybee I will another day!

CIAO!