attans rackarns...

Today I wrote a super good and long blogpost from my uncles place! It was interesting and possitive and it told all the funny things I've done during the vacation so far...
But off course I couldn't publish it... it was an error in the internet thing and it stood weird things and I had to write stupid codes and I didn't understand a shit and then i tried 247512907845 times more to fix it but it still didn't work so I called emiliano and asked him to talk with God so he could help me but he didn't answer so I gave up.
And now I'm to tired to do it again...
BUT! I feel good! My back is almost good! My head and soul is working again! I just hope it will last!
BIG KISS and alot of love to everyone in the world!

2 days left!

Phu.. now I'm official on holidays!
Today we had the presentation of our personal project! It went good, we just talked and showed pictures of everything we planned and explained and so on.. they seemed to like it! This was the reason why I couldn't go to sweden earlier... so it's super nice that it's done... but I still think it was a stupid reason to stay here for two weeks doing nothing...
This morning I woke up in a good mood so I decided to not care about my back and do something... So I went to town with Sandra to do some shopping! I didn't really find anything but the last christmas presents are done!
So today I have been up walking the whole day! Wich I can tell you it was not the best idea.. now I'm in more pain but actually I don't care... I can't stand another day lying at home... I prefer the pain..
Tonight is Lottas last night, she leaves tomorrow morning so we gonna have a little dinner at home for some people! Right now she and Benoit are cooking so I'm just laying down waiting to have the dinner served!!
That is luxury..
(Mamma, måste säga att jag längtar efter att få bli uppassad av dig! hihi..)

Hallelujah...

hmm... today my head was feeling better, and I thought my back to! Or it was this morning.. then I got a little bit excited and walked to school, said hi, went to town, bought some christmas things, went back to school, saw Sandras project.. then I had so much pain I had to go home and rest... All this was within 2 hours... WOW! I can almost walk for 2 hours... hmm. depressing. I really hope my back is getting better soon because I'm (excuse my expression) so fucking fed up.
I want to move! I want to train! I want to dance! I want to run! I want to jump..
Anyway.. I spended some time with Sandra and then I took my self together and went to Stina! She is going to Thailand tomorrow morning.. unfair! hihi.. no I'm super happy for her! Anyway (again) we saw a movie with Emiliano, Pedro and Luis.
Now I'm home.. trying to find a good possision for my back.. I'm unfortantly not tired at all anymore so I guess I'll have to see another movie or something..
Some fun things that happend today was that I talked with some friends on msn.. and my sister called and said she have free tickes for some "speed dating" or something like that when I come home! HAHAHAHA... so maybee I'll find some nice guy in my hometown.. DON'T THINK SO!!

Life is boring...

Yesterday I think a talked too much with my family on the phone.. After that I was completly down because I'm here.. It is weird. I never been homesick before.. not like this.. not for so long..
Probably because there is so much problems around me at the moment, it 's not only my personal ones but also alot in school, it's crazy..
..yesterday I had to go out for a while because it just became too much.. I really hate being like this..
I wished I could explain my self but I can't, not even to my self.
I don't recognise my self. I'm just waiting to be "normal" again.. at least stop crying.
My back is better as long as I lay down.. So today I spended the whole day laying down.. it sucks.. it is really boring..
I miss my life, I miss my self, I miss everything..
4 days left..

Péridural..

this is how your back looks after a pèridural..
(the picture is not soo good but inside the the white square it is red with a black spot.. the black spot is where they putted the needle...)

It wasn't so bad actually!
It just hurted when they putted the needle in and then you felt all the liquid coming in to your spine.. it is a weird feeling that I can't explain..

Anyway.. it not really a difference yet.. I guess it takes a day or two more before...
I'm not aloud to move so much.. I can't carry heavy things and stuff...
But I asked if I could go out dancing after christmas and it was ok!! (to go out dancing means PARTYY)
If all pain is gone after christmas I should be ok.. if it's not gone I have to do an other one the 12th of january..
hope not..

Big thanks and kiss to all my friends who came visit me after the procedur! I love you all..

Nervous..

I choose to be.

This week I tried to find my self again. It kind of worked.
Monday, party. Tuesday, chilling. Wednesday, Amsterdam. Thursday, dinner. Today, Péridural..

As you see my week has been busy but nice. I didn't sleep alot but I can do that next week...
Today I'm doing the injection thing, I have to admit that I'm nervous. And scared. But as they say, it can only be better.. So I try to stay calm and not think about it. Violaine (a good friend) is coming with me as support, thats nice because otherwise I would freak out I think...
I will do it at 14.45.. I will tell you all about it after...

to be or not to be..

A life upside down..

to be or not to be..

A life upside down it's really my life.. It is still going down.. It's my body, my back.. like normal.. Now I have a stop until christmas but I can't go home earlier.... It is too much things I have to do here..
And I have to decide if I want to take a "Péridural" it is a kind of injection in the back or otherwise I need 6 months rest...

to be or not to be..

in half an hour I will call my swedish "naprapat" that I trust with my life and I guess it will help me find a solution..

to be or not to be..

Friday..

In two weeks right now I will be in Sweden! TJOHOO!!
Today I had a completly doing nothing day.. My back was worst when I woke up this morning so I went to the massage girl in school and had a massage. That was nice..
After that I went home and continued sleeping..
I spended the whole day in my bed with a "hot pack" on my back..
Wich has resulted in that I read alot about nothing on internet.. I'm doing a site on myspace.com.. I've been writing emails.. Looking at youtube videos.. hmm.. yeh.. a very interesting day!
When Lotta came home from school she told me that it had been a very caotic day with some teachers.. So now I want to go home even more... If the school looses those teachers I'm not staying either.
I just talked with "Josse", she is on Blidö with my sister and my friends.. It is a christmas marcet this weekend, I really want to be there with them.. soon.. 14 days.. hold on..

Laughing again!

The show was not that bad!
I had alot of fun and I haven't laugh so much for a long time!
It is a comical disco show! I can't say if it's funny because I know them or because it really is funny! That I have to ask someone who saw it that don't know them....
Anyway it made me feel better! So a big thank you to all of you in the second year of E.S.A.C.

Also the ostheopath made me feel better.. I'm still in pain but at least my back is straight again!
I also decided to start to care about my life again.. Tomorrow I'm gonna "ta mig själv i kragen" and clean my appartment, pay my bills and have a small spa session!

Now I give you all a long kiss godnight...

uninteresting blogging..

Today I'm a bit better, not in my back but in my head.. I talked for a long time with my father yesterday and that always help. I also thought about Micka, she always inspire me in life! She is one of my "idols" in life! I just wished we met more often..
And today I talked with my aunt, it also make me feel good!
I miss you all!
But it's two weeks left.. 14 days.. It's nothing..
Right now I'm a bit "apathic" I have alot of things to do but I end up doing nothing, like normal.. At three I have a meeting with an ostheopath. That's good.. I hope it will help.

Tonight the second year have their first show! I'm super curiose about their show! They had a lot of problems doing the show and it's been super hard for them. But now it's finally time for them to show it..

Life oh life...

Life is like life is I just discovered.. I don't know but normaly I have the feeling that it is me living my life and not my life living me... But right now it is.
Nothing really goes my way..
My back is broken.. I have total stop the rest of the week.. Next week we have exams in trampolin and acrobatics! Good luck Anna!
I still can't figure out what I really want with my life and why everything bad has to come in the same time.. But I'm working on it..
Still I have some good/nice moments in my days.. Today for example I saw a really good movie, Bagdad Café. And I also took a coffie with Emiliano and Pedro during lunch! They are always nice to meet when you feel down..
And I found this on internet.. I think almost all white (and some black) guys have this video at home.. Because it so true. And it makes me laugh so I want to share it with you!

I'm a good mother!

The weekend was great!
Saturday (as you might noticed in my last blog post..) I became totaly drunk and went to a disco with Sandra, Pauline and Nils! It was perfect! It was just what I needed, dance away my sorrows!
And yesterday me and Sandra babysitted Shilove and Miguel again! Oh my I love them! They are completly wonderful, so is their mum! I feel like home when I'm there. They remind me alot of my aunt and cusins! When I lived in my hometown I spended alot of time with them and I miss them alot! So it makes me feel better to be there!
Today in school it's like normal.. Totaly depressing.. My teacher in cadre was there today but not really "there" so the class was a big shit.. When he is like that I get completly stressed and do even worse than normal.. so you can imagine...
Anyhow.. After school I took my mother instinct and went to my own babys (Pumpkin & Pacman), I cleaned their cage and cuttled a bit with them! Hopefully after christmas they will live at my place...

I'm in love with your brother...

It is amazing that "one night" can change so much.. Yesterday I spended the whole night "talking and drinking beer" with Sandra and Kenzo (Nisse also but he left early..). At the end of the night I didn't feel so depressed.
Now I'm at Sandra and Nils place in Matonge! We are drinking beer again and are planning a night out!
I feel good!

Boring..

I am a bit depressed at the moment I think.. Or actually everyone (except some love warriors) are depressed in the school.. I guess it is a mix of soon holiday, an extreem demanding school and darkness.
For me it shows in a lot of body pain, my memory is gone, I loose all my things and I'm pissed of almost all the time!
But I guess that's life!
I really miss my family, I can't wait to come to home for christmas..
Now Kenzo, Sandra and Nils are waiting for me so we can start our beer and Togo picture night!